


Trapped Underneath

by orangefriday



Series: Levi & Nico Tumblr Fics [13]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Covid 19 content, M/M, Panic Attacks, basically a filler fic thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangefriday/pseuds/orangefriday
Summary: Tumblr Ask: "I hope we get something about Levi's mom this season. Even if it's just one sentence I want to know if he's talking to her or not. They left on pretty shaky ground and it's been what two-three months in grey's time? I want to know how Levi is doing and I want to know about his dad. I want Levi to have a dad."or how Levi is dealing with working on the frontline. Set after 17x02.
Relationships: Nico Kim/Levi Schmitt
Series: Levi & Nico Tumblr Fics [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1193556
Comments: 17
Kudos: 71





	Trapped Underneath

It’s not even morning rounds yet and Levi has already had to call time of death.

It’s in these moments that he doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. He doesn’t know if he’s a doctor or just a guy collecting deaths on his wrist. Even when he closes his eyes, he sees the red flash of alarms on monitors and hears the incessant drone of hearts flatlining.

Yesterday, it was three. The day before, it looked hopeful at just one death. Today? He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know.

“Schmitt!” 

It’s bed sixteen: Claudia Walton. Grey’s there, already doing chest compressions. He grabs the laryngoscope and tube that’s already being handed to him by a nurse. He can hardly see into her airway. It’s so swollen that he throws the tube on the floor and is immediately given a smaller one. 

They’ve done this so many times. Nobody really has to say anything. They know the flow, the pace. Adrenaline takes over and there’s only one goal in all of their minds.

“Time of death, 7:27,” he breathes out, his breath is hot in his mask and gets trapped beneath it. Grey is gone in a flurry of yellow and blue. The nurses and PCTs start cleaning up around him. 

He’s so tired.

It’s three in the afternoon when he finally gets to go for lunch. They’re only allowed to sit two at a table and Levi, in an exhausted daze, almost forgets to take off his mask when he tries to take a bite out of his sandwich.

He sees a flash of someone familiar through the cafeteria doors. Fluffy hair atop of golden skin and broad shoulders in dark blue scrubs. He swallows hard, catching a much needed breath. 

Suddenly, his shift is over but he’s still running a code and another starts just as Grey begins bagging. He jumps across the hospital floor towards the symphony of alarms and beeps. His tired, urgent voice joins in amongst the noise.

He loses the seventh patient of the day an hour after he’s supposed to be off. 

“Go home, Schmitt,” Grey says and all but pushes him out the doors of the Covid ward. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her breath fogs up inside her headgear.

Levi doesn’t remember how he makes it to the resident’s lounge. Or when he passes out on the couch. His mask is riding halfway up across his face and that’s when he remembers Ms. Walton’s laugh just the other day. She was so nice and so warm. She asked him how he was, made him promise to stay safe and to eat, even between coughs and tired sighs. She was alive yesterday. Now she’s dead.

“Hey.”

Nico’s leaning against the doorway, hands in his pockets. And Levi just about wants to run to him and jump on him, rip that damn mask off and kiss Nico’s mouth.

But Levi only replies back, “Hi.”

They do it in the bathroom. Levi’s head resting against Nico’s shoulder. One hand gripping tight around his bicep and the other tugging at the hair at the nape of Nico’s neck. It’s getting long and it covers his eyes. So when Levi lifts his head to watch Nico, just as he slides his own hand underneath the waistband of Nico’s pants, all Levi sees is nothing but hair and mask.

He hasn’t kissed Nico in weeks.

There are a lot of things he hasn’t done since the world turned upside down. Like go to the dentist despite the ache in the back of his mouth. Or grab takeout from the sharwma place down the street because that business is closed and probably gone forever. Or, what he really _really_ wants is to go see his mom.

Levi really can’t believe he hasn’t seen her since — 

“What’s wrong?” Nico’s voice is soft and comes from far away. 

He’s really thinking about his mom right before sex. Normally, he would be slamming his head against the wall, trying to stop this obscene train of thought, but nothing’s normal. And it’s the first time in eighteen hours that he’s had a moment to actually _think._ And goddamnit, in this moment, he misses his crazy mom who has probably been hoarding bagels and fighting people over jugs of hand sanitizer. His mom who calls him everyday and who is almost always met with his voicemail because he’s too busy, too tired, too _whatever_. His mother who raised him, clothed him, fed him and _loves_ him and who he left because she couldn’t see that existing as who he is, meant existing beyond his little room in the basement. 

Despite all that, he misses his _ima_ so much.

His chest hurts as he takes a couple of deep breaths. Nico looks concerned now, brows knitted underneath his messy bangs. Levi feels a hand come up to touch his cheek. It’s Ms. Walton’s, her laugh sings prettily in his ear and he swears he’s not running a code, but the page is going and it’s his two hundredth death of the day. Chest compressions! Chest compressions! Chest compressions! He’s been doing so many his arms have become jello. He can’t do it anymore. He’s so tired. He’s so so _tired_. 

“Levi?” Nico calls him again, and ah — what? They’re back in the bathroom now, but Levi’s trying hard to focus on breathing — _in, out — in, out — in — in —_

The next thing he knows, he’s on the cold floor in Nico’s arms, back pressed flushed against the other’s chest. His mask is on the floor in front of them and Nico’s whispering things like “You’re fine, Levi. Breathe. That’s it. Good. You’re doing great. You’re fine. You’re okay.”

_Fuck_ , _shit, goddamnit!_ He wants to say all of that but breathing seems to be the only thing he can do right now.

It takes a bit but eventually, Levi feels like he’s back inside of his own body again. Although, it feels incredibly heavy and useless so it’s a good thing Nico is strong and lifts him up to his feet easily enough. 

Nico guides him back to the couch and thank god the lounge is still empty. He forces Levi to lie down and slides a cushion under his head and kneels beside him. The same, warm and steady hand comes back to hold his face again and this time, Levi knows it’s Nico’s. His other hand takes Levi’s pulse on his neck. He sees Nico’s mask is gone too, his face a sight Levi’s been craving. 

But he can’t stand the way Nico is looking at him, all worried and sad, like Levi’s going to breakdown, even though he just did. He hates that.

"Hey,” Levi says, trying and watching Nico. "At least this time, I didn’t faint in an OR.” 

Nico stares for a moment, his thumb pauses under Levi’s eye, and then he chuckles, shaking his head, eyes crinkling. Levi missed this. 

They stay like that for a while, not talking. His eyes closed and counting each breath that comes out. Levi greedily drinks in Nico’s warm touch. 

“How many today?” Nico’s voice is quiet.

Levi opens his eyes, makes to say the number, but something catches in his throat. Ms. Walton was the worst one.

“One of them reminded me of my mom,” Levi manages to say this in a whisper.

Nico frowns. “And is she—?”

“Dead.”

A pause. "I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

He wants to call his mom. Even his aunts and his uncles. His cousins and their kids. Hell, if he could call his father, he would. But the guy left him and his mom when he was a kid. Yet Levi would still want him to be okay. To be safe. To be healthy.

Nico hasn’t stopped touching his face, holding his cheek and rubbing the space between his cheek and his ear. The skin there revels with heat. 

Maybe Levi’s a little angry. Angry at the world, at the pandemic. Angry that his mother tried to hide his being gay from the world. Angry that the fear of the disease is so big, it eats him up whole every time a new case comes in. And he’s angry that he’s alone and Nico is supposed to be nothing even though he’s right in front of Levi, being there for him, holding him, smiling. Like this could be a thing, more than just _stress relief_. And now he’s angry he’s being hopeful when he knows he shouldn’t be. 

He loved Nico. He still does. Levi loves Nico. 

Nico looks like he wants to say more. Levi swears he sees something shining, threatening to escape in Nico’s eyes. His lips parted and his expression open and soft. For a moment, Levi thinks it might happen. He doesn’t know what Nico might say but he’ll listen. He hopes Nico knows that he’ll always listen. 

He can’t help but grab Nico’s hand in his. But then Nico’s gaze hardens again and their hands fall apart.

“Do you need anything else?” Nico asks, standing up and looking away from him.

Levi sits up and tries to hide his disappointment. “Maybe you could just forget that that happened? I’ve got enough things to be embarrassed about.” He adds on when Nico smiles, “No, I’m all right.” 

“Okay.” Nico doesn’t even hesitate when he turns towards the door, putting his mask back on.

“Are you?” Levi blurts out, not ready for him to leave just yet. “Are you okay, Nico?”

Nico stops. And Levi wants him to look back, wants to see him, but Nico doesn’t.

"I’m fine, Levi.”

And then he’s alone again.


End file.
